


heaven's dust on your fingers

by darknesshadows (FeatheredShadow)



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Drama, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pining, Wings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-25
Updated: 2018-03-25
Packaged: 2019-03-23 23:37:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13798731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FeatheredShadow/pseuds/darknesshadows
Summary: In a world where Shadowhunters grow their wings during their teenage years, the life of one wingless Alec Lightwood is disrupted by the arrival of Clary Fray…





	1. Chapter 1

He was flying. There was nothing quite like that feeling of being able to pierce through the clouds, going higher and higher, as far as his wings could carry him. He could always see them from the corner of his eyes when they were fully spread – white with golden tips, and very fluffy, which always kept him warm in winter.

There were no words to describe how beautiful the view from the sky could, especially when there were no clouds on the horizon and he could see everything miles away. The best part, of course, was that he was always able to keep an eye on his parabatai from there, no matter how high he went – although it did mean that sometimes Alec was no bigger than a black dot on the ground.

Jace’s heart squeezed a little at the notion. It was unfair that Alec’s wings still hadn’t grown out when his own had come out barely a year after he had started living with the Lightwoods. At the time of their parabatai ceremony, people had already started saying Alec was a late bloomer to counterbalance him, and it had become repeated more and more with each passing year. The fact that Izzy had gotten her wings a few days after her sixteenth birthday hadn’t made things easier on Alec, and Jace didn’t know what to do to make him feel better. He was persuaded Alec’s wings would come out eventually – and rather sooner than later, if the tingling in his own spine was anything to go by – and that they would be magnificent, blowing away everyone with their beauty, but he knew his parabatai wasn’t as convinced about it. Alec’s self-esteem issues were a mile long and the fact that his wings still hadn’t appeared yet was just cherry on the cake – and not in an enjoyable way. Jace wanted his parabatai to be _happy_ , damn it, but it wasn’t going to happen if people kept rubbing his lack of wings in his face.

His belief in the fact that Alec was a late bloomer was one thing, but… It was true some Shadowhunters never saw their wings grow, condemned to stay on the ground for their entire lives. Jace refused to accept that fate could happen to his parabatai. Alec was wonderful and perfect in every way, and if his wings were slow to reveal themselves, it was only because his parabatai could be shy and rather reserved, not inclined to show off. Hell, he wasn’t the kind to flaunt his prowess in archery, when Jace knew perfectly well no one could be better with a bow in their hands than Alec. He had seen enough people fighting to know it. Archery was an unpopular choice of weapon in the Shadow world, and Alec’s choice meant he had a precious advantage in it – and the fact that he was brilliant at it was just icing on the cake, in Jace’s eyes.

He knew he had picked his parabatai well.

Nonetheless, the downside of that situation was that more people were starting to doubt Alec’s ability at being a good Shadowhunter and – more annoyingly – at being the future Head of the Institute. Maryse and Robert had made it very clear they intended on their firstborn to follow in their footsteps, and the Clave hadn’t really opposed it so far, but there were voices rising and already doubting that decision, something that pissed Jace off to no end. His parabatai was as well-trained in politics and diplomatic matters as he was in fighting, and he wouldn’t have anyone doubting Alec’s abilities in his earshot. They had been training together for far too long for them not to be the best team in the Institute, wings or not, and although it had required learning some specific moves, their techniques were on point. Even with Izzy, they were a well-oiled machine perfectly capable of fighting both on air and on the ground, something that other Shadowhunters at the Institute were reluctantly accepting.

Still, if only Alec’s wings could come out… He wanted to fly with his parabatai, and groom his wings too – a good grooming session in the hands of Alec was the best feeling he had ever experimented, one-night stands be damned – and sleep together under the cover of their wings. They used to do that, when they were teenagers, but Alec had grown slightly more distant over the years and they rarely did it anymore, something Jace missed dearly, although he didn’t feel like admitting it, not wanting to pressure his parabatai. There was something about the two of them being curled under his wings that was very comforting – and extremely intimate, too. The sight of a shirtless Alec, asleep and relaxed under his wings was a sight he could never get enough of. It was something precious to cherish and protect, that kicked his protective instincts overboard.

Lost in his thoughts, Jace barely reacted at the little pang he felt through the bond – another thing he didn’t like about the whole situation was the envy he could feel coming from Alec’s end, from time to time. He had tried bringing his parabatai on flying sessions with him, with the use of a harness, but Alec had declined each time and he didn’t dare bringing it up anymore. Even Izzy had given up on the matter, when there would have been absolutely no risk at having the two of them carrying Alec while flying. Still, knowing that his parabatai was stuck to the ground waiting for him to come back in the heat of the last days of August didn’t make him feel very good and he decided to fly down, suddenly eager for something else.

At least Alec didn’t mind helping him groom his wings – but it was true he had done it since Jace’s wings had first appeared, and it was already an old ritual between them by the time they had went through the parabatai ceremony. And Izzy had forced Alec’s hand in helping her in the early days too, making sure her big brother was on duty to take care of her whenever she required his help. It was one of their ways to include him, but Jace had wondered more and more, recently, whether it was doing more harm than good.

It wasn’t like they wanted to rub it off in his face after all – quite the contrary. It was very important to the two of them that Alec felt included as much as possible in their lives, and in everything that was related to their wings. After all, one of the best things that came with having wings was curling under a feathery black and white pile, and they were very excited to be able to do so with Alec, as soon as his wings would come out.

They just weren’t very patient about it.

Uncomfortable, Jace decided to get back down as quickly as possible and flew head first, uncaring about the few leaves that got stuck in his wings or the way his feathers were getting ruffled. He landed in a swift move on the ground, getting a little raise of eyebrow from his parabatai, who was staring at him with his arms crossed, obviously unimpressed by the little flying demonstration he had just witnessed.

“Your wings are a mess,” Alec finally pointed out with no heat in his voice, already moving closer and reaching to Jace’s left wing, plucking away the few leaves that had gotten stuck there. “You know we’re supposed to go on a mission tonight, right? We don’t have the whole night in front of us…”

“We won’t need more than an hour to get my wings in shape,” Jace objected with a little smirk, moving his right wing so that it was enveloping Alec.

The way Alec’s fingers ran through the sensitive feathers never failed to make Jace shiver but he kept himself under control, not wanting his parabatai to think he was hurting him – quite the contrary. A tingle of heat was already making itself felt and he would surely need a cold shower before heading out to their mission. It was another thing that he didn’t talk about with Alec, not wanting to bring up the topic as long as his parabatai kept silent about it. After all, he hadn’t missed the way Alec’s eyes were more often than not roaming over his body, and he might have indulged in it a bit – the heat in Alec’s eyes when he came back down from a flight without his shirt on was always more than enjoyable – but Jace respected his parabatai’s boundaries.

And if Alec didn’t want to talk about their mutual attraction, then so be it.

“Careful with those wings, though,” Hodge pointed out from the huge window behind them, the training room seemingly plunged into darkness compared to the blinding light from outside. “It would be really easy to twist one in that kind of descents, Jace, I already told you so.”

“I was careful!” Jace protested, not too forcibly as Alec was already working his way through a tight knot. “Come on, let’s do that in my room, I don’t want to get interrupted.”

“Sure,” Alec said in a quiet agreement, something flashing in his eyes at the words.

Okay, he might have chosen his words on purpose – but come on, his parabatai could handle a little teasing!

ooOoo

Alec _hated_ the Fray girl. He hated the way she had barged into their lives, hated the way she gotten Jace twisted around her finger and doing her every whim, hated the way everyone was bending in two to help her – and most of all, he hated the way she had gotten her wings the day her first rune had been drawn on her. (Okay, it had taken a week for the whole process to happen, but _that_ was usually what happened, especially when demon venom was mixing with their angel blood, so no one had been too surprised by that fact.)

It wasn’t _fair_.

The girl knew nothing about their society – although she loved acting like she owned the place – and yet the first time she got a rune drawn on her, she was able to have her wings coming out? Not fair at all. And the way she flaunting them in front of everyone – in front of _him_ … she had even questioned his leadership, when he had been tasked with keeping an eye on her when she had wanted to go to her burned home, bringing up his lack of wings and then his feelings for Jace… _how dared she…_ She had no idea what it meant to be in love with his parabatai, when it was forbidden by the Clave and Jace was so oblivious about it!

And, given her ignorance and her refusal to learn anything about their customs, she also had absolutely no idea what it meant for him and his future that his wings still hadn’t come out. His mother had taken him aside, after having given them their assignments, that day, and told him the Clave was questioning their decision to have him being the future Head of the Institute, due to his lack of wings, and that they should start looking somewhere else for someone to take over after them.

He hadn’t been able to shake off the feeling of ice in his gut ever since, horrified that having prepared and trained all his life for this position meant _nothing_ in the eyes of the Clave. The tension that had been growing between him and Jace had done nothing to ease his mind. Alec didn’t know what to do anymore, how to find his footing back – and the fact that they had hidden the Mortal Cup in the family safe was just one more problem he had to deal with.

At least the little girl had stopped her mindless quest for a couple of days when the clumsy mundane she used as a best friend had been turned into a vampire, but the reprieve had been too short for his liking. Much to his annoyance, he had been forced to accompany Jace and Izzy as they were trailing after _her_ , trying track Jocelyn Fairchild from Valentine’s clutches by using the necklace Clary had gotten for her birthday. Here was another person he held no sympathy for – how _stupid_ did you have to be to run away from the Shadow world with one of the Mortal Instruments and hid the truth of her parentage to your kid? The Fairchild woman did not have the excuse of _ignorance_ to explain her acts…

Nonetheless, it explained why their quartet had ended up on the fifteenth floor of an old, half-abandoned building downtown. The little girl was persuaded her mother was here and Alec had protested at their decision to barge in without a plan – without letting anyone know where they were going, which was contrary to all protocols – but he had been ignored, once again, and forced to join them to make sure someone had their backs.

If it had been up to him, he would have stayed holed up in the Institute, either in the library or in his own room. His back had been hurting for two or three weeks now, and he was half-certain he was running a fever – or had caught something, given how uneasy he felt and how his stomach had almost rebelled at the idea of standing up this morning.

“It is obvious Valentine isn’t here,” Alec finally pointed at they were slowly making their way through empty corridors, the sun shining through broken windows, pieces of glasses breaking under their shoes.

“Can you stop being such a _pessimist_ for once in your life?” Clary hissed, a frown on her face. “My necklace –”

“Can be twisted with if Valentine has a warlock to help him,” Alec reminded her in a biting tone, not enjoying the way Jace and Izzy were rolling their eyes between them.

It was so _annoying_ to have the little girl leading the way when she knew nothing and had had no training whatsoever – three hours in the company of Hodge weren’t going to turn her into a Shadowhunter worth the name, no matter what she thought. Besides, she was thinking so high of herself she didn’t even think she needed the training to stay alive, too confident Jace would always be at her heels to save her skin.

 _Idiot_. She was going to get them all _killed_ at this rate.

“You wish I wouldn’t find my mom,” Clary mumbled between her teeth before straightening up as Izzy was tusking behind her, her huge black wings twitching briskly at the words of the half-mundane.

Alec couldn’t believe what he had just heard – and he couldn’t believe that neither Izzy nor Jace had protested. Even more disgusted by the whole situation, he bit his tongue hard enough to draw blood, barely noticing the metallic taste in his mouth. It was _nothing_ compared to the nightmare he had been going through since the little girl had barged into their lives and –

“Demons!” Jace barked as a horde of Ravener demons barged through one of the corridors, hissing and screeching.

From that point, everything turned into a blur. Their trio had always functioned well in that kind of missions, and Alec was used to fighting with Shadowhunters with wings – knew what to expect and how to react when a wing was cutting a little too close to him. And both Jace and Izzy knew how to fight around him as well, always mindful of the fact he wasn’t using the same techniques and moved differently around the room.

Clary, on the other hand, knew nothing about that, despite her two weeks of running around with them.

And it shouldn’t have come as a surprise to Alec, but he was still pissed off at the little girl, and confident in the knowledge he was with people who had his back. So, when he found himself close to a huge window, fighting off two Raveners and not far away from Clary, he didn’t really react when he saw her coming closer, her fire-red wings moving in an uncoordinated way, twisting around nervously as she was having difficulties getting rid of the demon she was fighting.

He didn’t expect to be thrown against the window by her wing when Clary suddenly turned around in an effort to kill her target, nor to be bitten by the Ravener closest to him at the same moment before managing to behead it. And he definitively didn’t expect for the window to break under his weight and the force of the impact, sending him to fly towards the ground a lot faster than he could have imagined, the other Ravener cut in two over the broken edges of the window.

He hadn’t expected to die like that.

ooOoo

_“Alec!”_

Izzy’s scream got Jace’s attention at the same time the parabatai bond suddenly tingled in his gut. He felt his heart stopped as he turned towards Alec, only to witness him being thrown against the window, a huge red wing spread out next to it. His parabatai disappeared through the broken glass, two Raveners falling dead on the ground at the same moment.

He reacted purely on instinct from there and threw away the few Raveners that were surrounding him with all the strength of his wings before jumping through the window too, forcing his wings in the right position to fall after Alec as quickly as possible. It was his luck that Alec weighed less than him when his wings were out – something that happened most of the time, as Shadowhunters weren’t very keen on retracting their wings unless necessary – and he managed to grab his parabatai around mid-course, holding tight onto him before wrapping his wings around them. Jace barely managed to direct the rest of their fall so that they would crash onto the little cabin that had been built up next to the abandoned building instead of the cement ground.

He felt the soft bones and cartilage of his wings break in a few places as they hit the cabin and then the harsh, unforgiving ground underneath, but it was a small price to pay compared to the warm weight of Alec in his arms. Groggy by the impact, it took him a few minutes to get his bearings back.

Dread suddenly filling him at the quietness at the other side of the bond, Jace quickly checked for a pulse and felt a weight disappear from his heart as he realized his parabatai was still breathing. There was a large cut on Alec’s arm and he could already see the venom spreading from it. Jace tried activating the iratze rune, frowning as it didn’t seem to have much effect. Alec’s skin was warm under his fingers – _too_ warm, and he realized with unease that his parabatai was feverish, shaking slightly against him and whining a little every time he was moved, little gaps of pain escaping him every now and then.

Jace frowned, feeling his heartbeat pick up more intensely than ever and he tried to move in a sitting position, biting back a groan of pain as his wings twitched. Hodge was going to have his head for what he had just done, but it didn’t matter as long as Alec was still alive in his arms.

“Alec! Jace!”

Izzy’s terrified voice could be heard from somewhere over their heads, the remnants of the cabin blocking most of the horizon.

“Over here!” Jace shouted back, voice suddenly hoarse.

It barely took a few seconds before Izzy’s livid face peered up in his line of sight, some tension disappearing from around her eyes as she caught sight of Alec in his arms.

“Are you okay? Is Alec…”

“We have to get back to the Institute as soon as possible,” Jace said as he watched her coming over, carefully walking over the wreckage around them. “He got bitten by a Ravener and he has a fever, he is unconscious.”

“Okay, just… I’m going to take him while you get up,” Izzy said in a decided voice, that was only slightly shaking now that she had assessed the situation.

She quickly activated her strength and stamina runes before getting hold of her brother, her dark wings moving protectively to cover him. Jace carefully got up on his feet, grimacing a little as his body was complaining at the treatment it had just been put through. He quickly activated his iratze, knowing he would need the help to make the walk back, and then his strength and stamina runes. That couldn’t do much for the pain in his wings, but at least it would give him what he needed to carry his parabatai back to the Institute.

“We’re going to have to go on feet,” he said in a low voice, noticing the frown on Izzy’s face and the way she was suddenly looking at him, one of her wings twitching nervously over her brother’s unconscious body. “I hurt my wings when we hit the ground and I can’t fly in that state.”

“Okay,” Izzy said reluctantly before handing Alec back to him, carefully positing her big brother in his arms before stepping backwards. “Come on, we need to move quickly, I don’t like the way he is breathing…”

They carefully stepped out of the destroyed cabin and Jace blinked in front of the blinding light, before catching sight of Clary. The girl was livid, her feathers badly ruffled in her back, and he could see some traces of blood and ichor on her clothes.

“Are you okay?” he enquired in a tired tone, unconsciously strengthening his hold on his parabatai, the image of Alec flying through the window next to a spread-out red wing still vivid in his mind. “What happened to the other Raveners?”

“I’m fine,” Clary said in a very low voice, seemingly ready to cry, as Izzy was speaking up, something sour in her voice – and he realized only now that half of her clothes were covered in ichor.

“They’re all dead. Don’t worry about it. We need to head back to the Institute. Are you sure you can make the walk with Alec?”

“Yeah,” Jace answered a bit defensively, his wings moving from his back to his front in a protective fashion – it hurt to move them, but he wanted nothing more than to shield Alec, especially in his helpless state. “Don’t worry about it. Let’s go.”


	2. Chapter 2

Alec woke up with a groan, a headache pounding intensely behind his eyelids. It took him a few minutes to realize where he was – in the smallest room of the Institute’s infirmary. Only Shadowhunters whose wings were growing out or who had been badly hurt during a fight were allowed to go there, as well as their visitors. He had never been here often, Jace and Izzy having rarely been hurt badly enough to have to stay there for a long time, but his latest passage hadn’t happened a long time ago, much to his displeasure.

It was the room where Shadowhunters were staying for the week-long process of the coming-out of their wings, and the last time he had set foot there had been three weeks ago, when Clary Fray had barged into his life and wreaked havoc in it with each passing day.

Alec huffed a little at the memory and started studying his surroundings, curious as to why he had ended up here instead of the main room of the infirmary. There wasn’t an inch of his body that wasn’t hurting and his head was still fuzzy, leaving him unable to search through his most recent memories.

The sunlight of the late afternoon was creating strange forms on the walls and floor – from what he could see from his position, lying on his stomach as he was, and wasn’t it a curious position? He spotted a mass of white and gold feathers in front of him, the shape of the wings familiar to his eyes, his heart clenching at the sight. It made him frown a little, wondering why Jace was sleeping in the room, curled onto a little ball of feathers. The position had to be uncomfortable. If he wasn’t wrong, Jace was sleeping curled on himself, with probably one wing under him and the other covering him. It was Jace’s favorite sleeping position when he was hurt or injured, but it had to be putting a strain on wings, given the bandages he could spot from his position. On the other hand, Alec couldn’t distinguish most of his parabatai’s body from where he was lying, but he set his questions aside, more troubled by his own presence in the room.

The mattress was firm under him and he could feel the softness of the linen sheets over his skin, making him shiver a little despite the warmth in the room. The sheets weren’t covering his back, leaving it sensitive to the breeze that was entering the round, but yet he could still feel something warm on top of him… His mind had started clearing out a little and yet he couldn’t quite remember what had happened, despite his efforts. There had been the mission, that much he could remember, fighting off Raveners in that abandoned building, and how nauseated he had been feeling for a couple of days, but past that…

Alec tried to move a little, raising on his forearms to get a better sight at his parabatai, before yelping as pain ignited in his back, lighting up like acid running through his veins. Every nerve seems to be on fire and he brutally fell back on the mattress, biting his lip to stop himself from screaming. The sudden noise didn’t go unnoticed and he suddenly felt a cold hand at the top of his spine, forcing him to lie still.

“Hey, hey, easy don’t try to move.”

_Jace._

Alec blinked a few times, not realizing he had closed his eyes because of the pain. His vision zoned out for a few seconds before it focused on the worried face of his parabatai right in front of him. There were huge bags under Jace’s eyes and his lips looked like they had been bitten repeatedly over the past few days – Alec was almost certain he could see the imprints of Jace’s teeth, if he focused enough, but he pushed the thought aside. Now was not the time to think of that, not when Jace was crouching down in front of him, one hand resting on his pillow, next to his cheek, while the other was moving from his back to his right shoulder.

“How are you feeling?” Jace asked worryingly, the weight of his hand warm and comforting on Alec’s skin.

“Water,” Alec croaked, suddenly realizing how thirsty he was.

He almost whined as Jace’s hand disappeared and his parabatai turned away, reaching for a bottle of water and a straw. Perplexed, Alec watched him open the bottle and put the straw in it but didn’t object when it was brought to him, the effort of moving his head to get the straw enough to reignite pain in his back.

Jace’s hand was careful to hold the bottle until he drank a good third of it, moving it away quickly once Alec showed he was done. The room was quiet and Alec could hear ushered voices not far away – behind the door leading to the main room of the infirmary, as well as outside of the windows, although he was in no position to see what was happening. He didn’t bother about it, more preoccupied by the paleness of Jace’s skin and the way his wings were twitching nervously – the mass of feathers was fluffier and more ruffled than he had ever seen it be, even with the bandages wrapped around it here and there.

He licked his lips, trying to get the words out of his throat when he felt Jace’s hand reaching for his shoulder once again, making sure he was lying still. Alec looked at him, a bit surprised, noticing the tense way in which Jace was holding himself, despite sitting cross-legged in front of him – a position that was one of Jace’s favorites, because it allowed for his wings to rest on the floor without putting strain on them.

“What happened?” Alec finally asked in a raspy voice, feeling like there was sand on his throat, despite the honeyed water he had just drank.

Jace frowned.

“You don’t remember?” he asked in a worried tone, wings twitching even more nervously.

He was starting to make Alec nervous, who then reached out to him – or, at least, tried to, but as soon as he moved his hand from under his pillow, Jace went to grab him by the wrist, forcing him to stay still. It was as well, as pain was already flaring up again at the small gesture, and he huffed a little, already regretting not being asleep anymore.

“We went on a mission,” Alec slowly said, trying to clear out his thoughts. “On that old building… Clary was certain there was a lead on her mother there –” and he frowned a little at the thought, a vague feeling of _something_ making dread creep up his spine. “We ended up on a nest of Raveners instead…”

He stopped, suddenly hit by a wave of nausea. It was all coming back to him now, the way he had been violently hit by a flaming red wing, how a Ravener had taken advantage of his surprise to bite him while he had killed another and how he had been thrown away through a window, and the _fall_ …

He flinched violently at that, a gasp of pain escaping his lips as Jace quickly moved to keep him still, a mix of relief and worry present in his eyes.

“It’s okay, you’re okay, you’re safe on the ground now,” Jace whispered, kneeling in front of the bed and looming over him, wings twitching behind his back without spreading away.

“She _pushed_ me,” Alec hissed, livid, once he managed to calm down a little from the outburst. “She pushed me through the window and I… I…”

He frowned, not quite remembering what had happened after that. He had been falling, and he thought he had seen Jace’s form flying down towards him, but he didn’t know if it hadn’t been a hallucination, or something he had made up to comfort himself. He was going to ask, his pride be damned, but Jace cut him short, instead embracing him fiercely. It was a bit of an awkward position, as Alec found himself with his head against Jace’s stomach, unable to see anything except for the black fabric of his clothes, as his parabatai was holding him by the shoulders. Still, it was nice, and he reached out for Jace’s shirt, clutching it as Jace was holding him fiercely, his voice muffled by Alec’s hair.

“It scared the hell out of me, seeing you fall down like that,” Jace admitted in a low voice, one hand moving to reach for Alec’s neck. “I thought I wasn’t going to get you in time…”

“Well you _did_ ,” Alec pointed out in the same tone, enjoying the affection and warmth he was being smothered in.

It wasn’t quite like getting a full hug, with Jace’s wings surrounding them and making them disappear from the world, but it was nice nonetheless, and he had missed the proximity. Besides, it made him feel better, protected and secure in his parabatai’s embrace – something he rarely let himself indulge in.

“That was a close call,” Jace admitted after a time, moving away so that he was sitting in front of Alec again, one hand caressing his hair while the other was holding on Alec’s wrist. “I wasn’t sure…” Jace’s voice trailed off for a moment before he shook his head. “We crashed down onto an abandoned cabin next to the building. I don’t think you’re going to feel the consequences of it, the iratzes had the time to work while you were unconscious.”

Alec frowned a little at that, already regretting the warmth of his parabatai’s body covering him.

“How long have I been out?”

“Ten days.”

 _“Ten days?”_ he repeated, incredulous.

Jace nodded darkly in front of him, before smiling a little, some tension escaping him.

“Yeah. You got bitten by a Ravener and your wings were coming out – and why didn’t you say anything? We wouldn’t have gone on the mission if you had told us how bad you were feeling,” he gently chastised.

Alec wasn’t sure they would have avoided going on the mission if he had told them about the pain in his back, considering how intent they were on following the Fray girl like obedient soldiers, but it was probably best not to say so. He decided not to raise the issue, choosing instead to focus on the gentleness of Jace’s fingers through his hair.

“I wasn’t going to let you go there alone,” he mumbled absently, missing the look of surprise on Jace’s face. “Who knew what could have happened without me to watch your back?”

“You almost _died_ ,” Jace pointed out in a brittle voice, getting Alec to open his eyes again. “Do you have any idea how scared I was, when I saw falling to the ground? I wouldn’t have forgiven myself if you had gotten permanently injured…”

Alec looked at him as Jace’s voice trailed off, before frowning a little, his parabatai’s previous words jumping back at the front of his mind.

“Wait, what do you mean, my wings were coming out?” he asked in a voice that was slightly incredulous – he was well over the age limit to have his wings coming out, everyone knew it…

Jace smiled brightly at that, stroking the sensitive skin on the inside of Alec’s wrist.

“I mean your wings are finally here, parabatai. They took their time, but they’re out now – why do you think I’ve been trying to keep you still since you awoke?”

His tone was gently playful and Alec blinked, his mind refusing to comprehend what he had just heard. His wings were here – out, where he could finally see them, where _everyone_ could see them. No wonder his back had been paining him so much since he had awoken then…

“What… what do they look like?” he asked anxiously, already trying to shift to get a better look at them, but he stopped quickly as pain ran up his spine.

“You will see,” Jace said with a little smile, winking at him. “It’s a surprise, for once you’re up. They’re _huge_ , though, that I can share.”

Alec nodded a little at that, knowing the rules. Nephilims weren’t supposed to know what their wings looked like until they were fit enough to stand up and put themselves in front a mirror. It was part of the process, and it wasn’t going to be spoiled – even though he had waited for his wings far much longer than anyone else had ever heard of.

“Will I be able to fly with them?” he suddenly enquired, reminded of the stories he had read – Shadowhunters who had their wings come out but were unable to fly with them, for one reason or another.

“Yes, don’t worry, they’re in perfectly good shape, Brother Zachariah checked,” Jace assured him, his moves still very tender as he was playing both with Alec’s hair and the soft skin of his wrist. “They’re beautiful, too, just like you. They suit you very well.”

Alec blushed intensely at that, not quite believing what he had just heard. Surely Jace hadn’t meant to compliment him like that, but he couldn’t stop the warmth from spreading inside him at the words. He knew it was normal behavior for Shadowhunters to compliment each other on their wings, but it was the first time it happened to him, and he felt rather unsettled at the way his parabatai had phrased it.

It felt oddly romantic, and he didn’t want to get his hopes up, not when Jace’s behavior with the Fray girl was still floating at the back of his mind.

He was going to ask another question but it was a yawn that escaped him, getting Jace to stop petting him.

“I should let you rest,” Jace said with a little grimace. “Here, have some water,” and Alec obediently drank from the straw, “I’ll tell everyone you’re awake. There are a lot of people who will want to see you, once you’re up for it…”

Alec drifted back to sleep to the sound of Jace’s voice and the way his hair was getting played with again, fatigue settling over him like a blanket. Having woken up had felt quite like a dream, and he didn’t want to wake up for real and discover it had just been a product of his imagination…

ooOoo

The room was bathed in a dim light when Alec emerged to consciousness for the second time, completely disoriented. It took him a couple of minutes to remember where he was and why he had ended up here – _wings_ , he had his wings! Finally! – before he opened his eyes, trying to catch a sight of his parabatai. Jace wasn’t here, much, to his disappointment, but he spotted the familiar frame of his sister sitting cross-legged against the opposite wall, a book opened on her thighs.

Izzy was rather focused on her reading but stopped as soon as she realized he was awake, quickly moving towards him with a bottle of water in her hand, a worried expression on her face.

“Alec, how are you feeling? Are you in pain?”

“Thirsty,” Alec mumbled before getting his hand on the bottle, carefully taking the straw that was offered to him.

His back was still tender and sensitive to his every move, he could feel it, but it hurt less than it had when he had first awoken. He took his time drinking the water before pushing the bottle away, eyes fixed on Izzy as she was settling down in front of him. If he remembered correctly, there was a thick mat in front of the mattress, one he had slept on various occasions, when he had waited for Izzy and Jace to grow their wings. (It had been more comfortable waiting for Izzy, because Jace had been there, and they had slept curled against each other, his parabatai’s wings covering them.)

“How long…” Alec started hesitantly, not knowing how to ask his question.

“It has been two days since you first woke up,” Izzy quickly told him, guessing what he wanted to know rather easily.

Alec frowned a little.

“So much?” he said in a small voice, a bit disturbed by the idea.

Izzy nodded vigorously, her hand coming to squeeze Alec’s forearm – or at least, what was accessible from under the pillow.

“The Silent Brothers said your body went through a lot of strain to fight off the Ravener’s venom and have your wings coming out at the same time… That’s why you were asleep for so long. But you should feel better soon.”

Alec hummed quietly, frowning a little, before hearing his stomach complain loudly. He blushed a little at the noise and Izzy snorted loudly before putting a little box full of dried fruits on the bed, where Alec could easily reach it.

“You’re not supposed to eat everything,” she told her brother with a little smirk. “But the medics said it would be best if you could eat a few once you wake up. Runes can only get us so far…”

Alec nodded absently, picking up at the nuts before turning his attention back onto his sister. She had huge bags under her eyes too, but she seemed less nervous than Jace had been when he had first woken up – which made sense, all things considered.

“Did you manage to get rid of all the Raveners?” he asked after a moment of silence, not missing the little snort that escaped her at his question.

“Yes, we did big brother. There weren’t many of them left when you…”

Her voice faltered and she looked away for a moment.

“When Clary threw me through the window,” Alec concluded, trying to focus more on the pain on his back than at the mix of furor and fear that arose every time he thought of it.

He knew he didn’t get along well with the little girl, but to think it had come to _this_ …

Izzy sighed deeply, obviously bothered by the issue, her wings rising high in her back.

“About that…” she started with a grimace, before stopping for a moment, visibly searching for words.

Alec stopped nibbling the dried fruits at that, raising interrogative eyebrow towards her.

“Mother came when she learned what happened. And the Inquisitor is here too,” she said in an almost apologetic voice.

Alec almost choked on his food and had to drink a few gulps of water to stop coughing.

“The Inquisitor? Imogen Herondale? _Why?_ Why would she come?”

“Because,” Izzy started, counting on her fingers, “Valentine’s daughter has been running around unsupervised, she found the Mortal Cup and refused to give it back to the Clave, her mundane friend has been turned into a vampire in a move that broke the Accords, oh, and there has been a change of leadership in the New York werewolves pack, in favor of someone who used to be in the Circle.”

She paused and gave Alec a long, pointed look.

“As you can guess, it has been cause for _concern_ , and the fact that you got thrown out of a window didn’t exactly help her case.”

“How did they even learn about it? And why would they care?”

Alec’s tone was bitter, but he didn’t care. And yet, he didn’t miss the way Izzy flinched at his words, nor the look of hurt on her face.

“Hodge wrote to the Clave as soon as we came back,” she explained in an apologetic tone. “He was really pissed off, and worried too, I think. Anyway, it caused some ruckus in Idris, and the Inquisitor came at the same time as Mother did, and well… we told them where the Cup was.”

Alec blinked.

“You did?” he asked, a little incredulous.

Izzy shrugged. Her wings were now sticking close to her and covering her shoulders.

“It didn’t seem worth keeping it a secret anymore, you know,” she admitted, not quite meeting his eyes, playing with the feathers at the tip of her right wing. “When I saw you and Jace crashed down on the ground, it just… you know. I didn’t want it to be a secret anymore, if it meant you got hurt because of it.”

Alec was touched by her words, and moved his free hand to reach Izzy’s, grabbing her and squeezing her fingers gently.

“I suppose Clary didn’t take it too well,” he said in a tone that was trying to remain indifferent – and utterly failed, given the knowing expression on Izzy’s face.

“She didn’t really have a word to say,” Izzy said with a little grimace. “Mother was furious, I thought she was going to slap her, and the Inquisitor wasn’t happier, honestly. She told Clary she had been endangering the whole Shadow world, in keeping the location of the Cup a secret, but Clary didn’t really care. She still wants to find her mother, so the rest is… secondary, I suppose.”

“I take it the Inquisitor didn’t really appreciate her behavior?”

“Not really, no,” Izzy said with a little laugh, obviously more relaxed now that she could see her brother wasn’t angry at her. “She has been locked up in her room ever since. The Inquisitor said it was too dangerous to have her running around when Valentine was potentially still alive and looking for the Mortal Cup. She agreed to set up a team to search for Jocelyn Fairchild, though,” she added a little more seriously.

“That’s… nice of her,” Alec said, a bit surprised.

“Better professional to do that than rookies who might end up creating a diplomatic incident with Downworlders, and that’s the best-case situation,” Izzy said in a voice that was clearly mimicking the Inquisitor’s. “They got Magnus Bane to help them track her, with Clary’s necklace.”

Once again, she gave Alec a pointed look, eyebrow raised, but he didn’t care. The whereabouts of the warlock were far away from his mind, not when there were his wings to fret over, and the way Jace had been all over him, petting his hair and giving him compliments…

“He asked about you, you know,” Izzy was saying and Alec focused on her again, only sparing some of his attention to the dried fruits that were calling to him.

He was slightly hungry, he wasn’t going to lie about it.

“Who?” he asked rather absently, carefully shifting over his pillow, and grimacing a little as a shot of pain went down his spine.

And on the sides too, something he had never experimented before, but he supposed it was due to his new wings. _His wings…_

“Magnus Bane. He was _concerned_ ,” Izzy said, eyebrow still raised, and Alec wondered if it might get stuck in position.

“That’s nice of him,” he said in a rather indifferent tone, too focused on the new sensations he could feel in his back.

Of course, he was careful not to move too much or too fast, but if he was slow and gently enough, he was sure he could feel his own wings twitching… His wings! Moving! Of his own accord! He had stopped hoping they would one grow out and here they were!

Izzy sighed deeply in front of him and he turned his attention back to her, not missing the look of fond exasperation on her face.

“I’ll pass him the message,” she mumbled before shaking her head a little. “Honestly, Alec…”

“Did you spend all your free time here?” Alec interrupted her, suddenly curious.

She sobered immediately.

“Jace and I took turns. Well, we spent almost all of our time here together until the medics sent us to our rooms to take a shower and sleep, but yes. We’ve been taking turns since you first woke up, though. Mother and the Inquisitor wanted to talk to us about what happened during the mission. Well, and since Clary’s arrival, too.”

Alec hummed quietly at that, pondering over the thought. It warmed him from the inside, knowing his sister and his parabatai had stayed at his side while he had been unconscious, but he couldn’t stop himself from asking another question, knowing full well the answer might not be to his liking.

“You didn’t go to see Clary?”

“Brother Zachariah had to forcibly remove Jace from this room to get him to take a shower,” Izzy answered with a look that was even more pointed than before, her head slightly tilting to the side. “And I didn’t want to leave you either. So, no, Alec, neither of us went to see Clary.”

She paused for a moment, before speaking again, a little paler in the light of the late afternoon.

“She almost got you _killed_. If Jace hadn’t caught you in time…”

“Hey.”

Alec squeezed her hand a little tighter, not liking where her thoughts were going.

“I’m alive, okay? He caught me in time.”

He paused, frowning a little.

“And maybe we crashed hard, I don’t know –”

“Jace’s grounded for a full month,” Izzy interrupted him, a sad light in her eyes. “He broke one of his wings in the impact. Well, better his wing than your skull, that’s what he said, but he won’t be able to fly again before a couple of weeks.”

Alec’s frown deepened.

“That bad? I hadn’t realized…”

“He told me you were still out of it when you woke up,” Izzy quickly reassured him, one of her hand brushing away an errand stray of hair.

Her cold fingers felt nice on Alec’s skin, and he suspected he was still slightly feverish.

“Which means you’ll both go back to the field at the same time, if Hodge is okay with it,” Izzy went on, trying to change the topic. “You know you’re going to have the mandatory flying classes, right? You’re lucky, though, no one will be having them at the same time, Hodge is going to be your private teacher.”

“Wonderful,” Alec muttered without much heat.

He felt bad at not having noticed his parabatai’s injured wing, and regretted that Jace wouldn’t be able to fly with him while he was learning the ropes.

“But you’ll be there, right?” he asked Izzy, not missing the look of delight that appeared on her face at his question.

“Of course! Don’t worry, big brother, this is going to be a lot of fun, you’ll see!”

Alec hummed quietly, feeling fatigue settle over him once again. He tried to bite back a yawn but failed, bringing a softer look on Izzy’s face as she got back the little box that had been holding a ration of dried fruits. Alec barely had the time to watch her take it away before falling asleep, comforted by her presence at his side and the heavy weight over his back. Things were shaping up to be normal once again, _finally_ …


	3. Chapter 3

Jace was frustrated. The weather was still unbearably hot for mid-September, his wing was itching like crazy while it was healing, and he couldn’t fly with Alec when his parabatai was learning the ropes. He had been _so_ eager to be the one to show him around, teach him how to move his wings in a way that didn’t hurt, help him learn how to jump and have his wings spread out, flying in the sky, but to no avail. The duty had fallen to Hodge, as usual, and Izzy only, something that frustrated him to no end. He wanted to be at his parabatai’s side while he learned how to fly, damnit, and all he could do was staying on the ground.

Alright, from that position, he had a pretty good view of Alec’s wings, how huge there were, and the beauty of their color – chocolate lined with black was a wonderful sight to behold, no one could say otherwise – but it was really frustrating not to see them in action.

Truth be told, Alec wasn’t particularly good at leaving the ground yet. It had taken his parabatai some time before finally leaving the infirmary, and although he had quickly learned how to move and fold his wings, he hadn’t quite reached the state where he could fly.

It was frustrating for everyone involved, Jace included, but no one dared say a word – not after Alec’s numerous attempts at jumping from the outside balcony of the third floor that was used for that kind of training. They had all ended up in the same way, with Alec crashing onto the thick mattress put on the ground to secure his fall, leaving him more and more irritated each time. His wings didn’t even open – or stay opened, if he forcibly opened them before jumping – and Jace could tell it was starting to worry Hodge. After all, flying was supposed to come as naturally as fighting to Shadowhunters, but it didn’t seem to be the case this time…

“I’m sick of jumping on that thing,” Alec grumbled as he crashed down next to Jace on the grass, a sour look on his face.

Jace nodding with a commiserate look on his face and handed him a bottle of water without a word, looking at Alec as his parabatai gulped down half of it. Trickles of sweat were running down his face and the intense light of the mid-afternoon gave an intense glow to his skin, a sight that was doing nothing to ease Jace’s nerves.

His parabatai had always been a handsome man, he knew that, but watching from the ground a shirtless Alec fall out time and time again was making his gut twist – and not only in arousal. He was too much reminded of Alec’s fall during their latest mission, and although it was a much more secure environment this time, with Hodge and Izzy ready to intervene if something went wrong, he couldn’t help but tense a little every time Alec jumped from the balcony.

“You’re going to get the hang of it at some point,” Jace offered, noticing the way Alec’s wings were twitching nervously.

He had an inkling as to why Alec couldn’t get his wings to open and carry him when he was falling, but he doubted his parabatai was ready to hear it. After all, he had a few nightmares of his own after the disastrous mission with the Raveners, and he suspected it was even worst for Alec, who had been the one falling without anything to slow his fall…

“It’s not enough,” Alec grumbled, quickly looking around them before lowering his voice.

Hodge and Izzy were animatedly talking next to the mattress, but no one else was around, which was much better for the expected success of the exercise.

“What if I can’t fly at all?” Alec whispered, the words so mumbled Jace had to strain to hear them. “What if there’s something wrong with my wings –”

“There’s nothing wrong with your wings,” Jace interrupted him, quickly not liking that his parabatai was already putting himself down. “You just need to give yourself some time. Last time you were in the air wasn’t pleasant, and it’s normal you have difficulties flying.”

Alec huffed but stayed silent, staring in front of him. The sunlight reverberating on the back of the Institute was almost blinding, and most of the curtains were pulled behind the windows they could see. Jace knew the training room was well on its way to turn into an oven with the combined effects of the heat and sun, and he was suddenly glad to be outside.

“It’s easy for you to say,” Alec finally mumbled, still looking at the library’s closed windows, and Jace turned his attention onto him, a frown on his face. “You never had any problem flying, even when we were kids…”

“I was a lot more thoughtless when I was a kid,” Jace pointed out. “I had no idea how dangerous it could get. It made it a lot easier to jump into it, believe me. I don’t think I would be as comfortable if I had to start now…”

Alec didn’t answer, instead focusing on the building in front of them. Jace wondered if he was trying to look for Clary – the poor girl had been going through the content of the library for days now, trying to find a remedy to wake up her mom, who had been found by the team set up by the Inquisitor in a rather incredible way. It had been pure luck they had found one of Valentine’s hideouts, and from then, had been able to track back to his lair, where they had found Jocelyn. She was still in a magical coma, and the High Warlock of Brooklyn was trying to find a way to get her out of it, but a book seemed to be missing, which made the whole matter slightly more complicated.

A shadow suddenly appeared over them and Jace turned his head to the side, noticing with surprise that Hodge was standing next to them, a long-suffering expression on his face, while Izzy was looking rather amused next to him.

“We’re done for today,” Hodge told them, already raising his hand as Alec was ready to speak up. “This isn’t working, and there is no point in one of us getting a sunburn, or worse. Just go inside, relax, and try to think of something else. We’ll start again tomorrow.”

Alec seemed ready to argue, but Hodge stopped him with a shaking of head and walked away, a thoughtful look in his eyes. Izzy stayed for a moment, her gaze jumping between the two of them.

“He’s right, you know,” she finally said to Alec in a gentle voice. “No point in forcing it if this isn’t working. It’s all instinct, and you’re over-thinking it, big brother.”

“I wonder why,” Alec mumbled but didn’t protest any further, looking very tired all of a sudden. “So, what now?”

“Now, you go back inside and help Jace put ointment on his wing before taking a nap or whatever it is you want to do that doesn’t involve you trying to fly,” Izzy told him with a little smirk. “Apparently, there is iced tea in the kitchen, I would go get some before it disappears, if I were you.”

“Sure thing Izzy!” Jace quickly said as she walked away, something very cheerful in her step.

Jace turned to look at Alec, who seemed rather annoyed at the development. He wasn’t sure why: was it because of the heat? Because he couldn’t fly? Because he felt like his little sister and his trainer had plotted against him? Jace suspected the last answer was the most likely.

“It’s true we would be more comfortable inside,” he finally said, already rising up and offering his hand to his parabatai. “You coming?”

Alec didn’t say a work but took his hand all the same, almost losing equilibrium as he stood on his feet. He still wasn’t used to the additional weight of his wings, but at least they didn’t make him trip anymore, which was good. He followed Jace’s lead as they were going to grad a late afternoon’s snack in the kitchen before heading back to their rooms.

Jace sighed a little once the door of his room closed behind them, feeling some of his tension evaporate. The room was bathed in shadows, the curtains almost completely closed to keep the sunlight from heating the atmosphere too much, but that didn’t stop any of them from settling quickly. They dumped their snacks, as well as two bottles of iced tea, on the bed. Alec slowly sat down, his back against the wall, looking mournfully at his wings as they were all spread out, so huge they were falling over the bed. Jace quickly went to the bathroom to grab the ointment he needed before coming back, eyeing his parabatai’s sad frame with a little frown.

“Are you okay?” he asked in a low voice as he settled between Alec’s legs, his left side facing his parabatai.

It was a bit of an awkward position, especially to hold a conversation, but it was the easiest way to reach to his wound that way, something he had difficulties doing on his own.

Alec hummed quietly at his question, not really answering as he was deftly taking away the bandages around Jace’s wing. He studied the wound for a moment, fingers ghosting over the mending bones and cartilage, getting a shiver out of Jace, before reaching for the ointment.

“I’m fine,” he finally said, carefully putting some of the oily product on his fingers before starting to apply it on the healing wound. “Does it hurt?”

“No, it’s alright,” Jace quickly answered, looking at him with a pointed look. “How is your back? Is it still aching?”

“It’s better now,” Alec answered with sincerity, focused on the task at hand. “The exercises Hodge gave me really helped.”

He stopped for a moment, before going ahead.

“You know, I had never realized how heavy wings could be. They really don’t look so, when you see them, and yet…”

Jace hummed quietly, feeling a shiver going down his spine at the way his parabatai’s experimented fingers were deftly moving over his wings. They were always more sensitive when there was an injury on them, and he had to make an effort not to moan at the sensations Alec was making him feel. It was delightful, but not the moment to let himself indulge them, not when his parabatai was so upset next to him, bothered by his incapacity to fly.

“It’s nothing when you’re flying,” Jace mumbled, relaxing more into the touch than he had planned for.

Alec’s fingers stopped moving for a brief moment before resuming their activity. His parabatai’s voice was detached when he spoke.

“If I ever go that far…”

“You will,” Jace said in a very decided tone, stopping himself from moving to face his parabatai at the last second. “You _will_ ,” he insisted a bit more fiercely in front of the disbelief on Alec’s face. “I know it might not seem like it right now, but it will happen. All we need is to find a way to get you to relax when you’re on the verge of jumping.”

“We,” Alec repeated in the same flat tone, eyes fixed on the wing in front of him, despite having finished putting the ointment on it.

“Yes, _we_ , parabatai. You and me, together. As it should be,” Jace added after a beat, a sense of worry growing inside him.

Alec’s hands finally let go of his wings and fell onto his lap. Unease started creeping up Jace’s spine and he quickly moved on the bed, barely taking the time to fold his wing to avoid slapping his parabatai in the face with it, before positioning himself in front of Alec.

The other Shadowhunter was twisting his fingers nervously, eyes fixed on them, wings slumping down, and Jace felt his heart clench at the picture. A wave of protectiveness surged through him and he gently held Alec by the neck, stroking the skin with his thumb until Alec looked at him.

“It’s going to be alright,” Jace promised, not quite knowing what to do to erase the desperate look inside Alec’s eyes. “It’s taking time, that’s all. You’ll be flying, I promise.”

“You can’t know that,” Alec mumbled before looking away, tense and miserable under Jace’s hand.

Alec yelped a little when his parabatai pulled him into a hug, holding tightly onto him until he finally relaxed and let himself enjoy the embrace. It had been too long since he had last felt Jace’s arms around him, and although it was a bit different now that he had wings coming out of his back, it felt as good as usual. He returned the embrace fiercely, hiding his face behind the mass of feathers that coming up to Jace’s neck, his hands holding loosely onto his parabatai’s wrist. The position was slightly awkward, with Jace kneeling between his legs, but it was great nonetheless, and he put his worries aside long enough for him to enjoy the moment.

It was too soon when he finally let go, feeling Jace draw back a little to be able to look at him. There was a serious look on his parabatai’s face that told him he was in for a – probably – unpleasant discussion, and he wasn’t sure he was ready for it.

But it didn’t happen.

Instead, Jace opened his mouth before closing it, expression shifting from serious to thoughtful, before he cupped Alec’s cheek with his hand and went in for a kiss. It was just a chaste contact of the lips but it left Alec terribly unsettled, so troubled he barely had the time to register the softness of Jace’s lips against his.

“What… what are you doing?” he asked in a weak voice when Jace moved back, not understanding why his expression shifted again, from thoughtful to worried this time.

“I kissed you,” Jace pointed out, his tone slightly perplexed.

“But _why_?” Alec asked in a plaintive voice, not quite believing what was happening.

It wasn’t like his parabatai was in love with him – hell, after that disastrous episode at Magnus’ apartment, with the memory demon, he was sure the truth had been let out in the outside, and yet Jace had acted like it was nothing out of the ordinary – so he didn’t understand why he had just been kissed. He couldn’t seem so pitiful that Jace would kiss him to make him feel better… right?

“Because I’m in love with you?” Jace answered, his perplexity intensifying. “And you’re in love with me? And I wanted to make you feel better?”

Alec started at him, not believing what he had just heard.

“What do you mean, _you’re in love with me_? Since when?”

It was Jace’s turn to look at him as if he had grown another head.

“Since we’re teenagers? I mean, I didn’t realize it right away, but it’s not like it’s a big secret.”

Alec didn’t say a word, too gob smacked for that, and the look of worry on Jace’s face intensified even more, the feeling peering through the bond.

“You know… it’s not a secret… right, Alec?” Jace tentatively asked in a small voice, looking very unsure all of a sudden. “Alec?”

“I…”

He opened and closed his mouth a few times, licking his lips before reaching for the bottle of water closest to him. He gulped down what was left in it, thoughts whirling in his mind, before speaking up again.

“Why did you never say _anything_?” he finally asked plaintively, unable to keep the feeling of hurt out of his voice. “Why did you let me believe all these years that I was…”

“That you were _what_?” Jace asked in a very low voice, eyes wide and full of sorrow.

Alec didn’t answer for a moment, a mix of shame and anger fighting inside him.

“That I was a hopeless fool for loving you,” he finally said in a very low voice, flinching a little when Jace grabbed his hand.

He regretted his reaction as soon as he saw blood leave Jace’s face, letting go of his hand as if he had just been burned.

“I thought we had an agreement not to talk about it until you felt more comfortable,” Jace explained, suddenly looking very small and vulnerable in front of him, wings folded tight behind his back despite the strain it was putting on his injury.

“What kind of agreement where we supposed to _have_?” Alec asked, anger growing inside him. “When I didn’t even know that you were… that we were…”

Jace lowered his eyes in a pitiful picture.

“I might have assumed without checking things first with you,” he mumbled, not even looking at him anymore. “But I thought you knew, when I started reacting to our grooming sessions…”

Alec frowned, remembering those days plain as day. He had been helping with Jace’s grooming for years before his parabatai had started reacting strangely, but he had chalked it up to the fact they were teenagers and their bodies were still changing.

“I thought I was hurting you,” he said tentatively, before reaching for Jace’s hand.

A weight disappeared from his shoulders when he felt his parabatai’s fingers quickly curl over his own, squeezing gently.

A little laugh escaped Jace.

“ _Hurting me_? Alec, it’s the best thing I ever experimented. There was nothing painful about it, I can assure you.”

Jace looked at him intensely and Alec felt himself blush a little under his stare, walls crumbling down because of the roller-coaster of emotions he had just went through. The two of them stayed silent for a moment, digesting what had just happened, before Alec spoke up again, tone more tentative and hopeful this time.

“So… Does that mean you’ll do it again?” he asked almost shyly, not missing the look of surprise that turned into delight and then fondness on Jace’s face.

“Anytime you want, _parabatai_ ,” Jace with an amused smile and a wink, before moving closer to him.

This time, Alec wasn’t surprised by Jace’s hand on his cheek, and he closed his eyes when they started kissing, losing himself into the new sensations. His hands quickly moved into Jace’s hair while he deepened the kiss after a few moments, fireworks exploding behind his eyelids. A proud smile stretched his lips when Jace moaned into his mouth after a couple of minutes, holding onto his shoulder not to lose his equilibrium.

“You, Alec Lightwood, are _wicked_ ,” Jace finally said in a wrecked voice, eyes shining bright when they separated for breath, the two of them panting slightly.

Alec raised an eyebrow.

“Oh, am _I_ , now?” he said with a little smirk, feeling his heart jump when Jace laughed a little before moving to kiss him again, the hand that was against his cheek moving up to play with his hair.

“You are, and I love discovering that side of you,” Jace whispered between two kisses, softness deepening in his eyes as Alec was melting to his words.

Their wings were twitching and flexing happily being them but they didn’t notice, too busy discovering each other in brand new ways.

ooOoo

Flying truly was like no other feeling, Alec thought as he was carefully stepping back onto the roof of the building he had been flying over. Izzy and Jace landed swiftly behind him a few seconds later, animatedly talking. Alec half-absently listened to their banter, focusing on his wings instead. Ever since he had managed to throw himself into the void and have his wings spreading to keep him in the air instead of crashing on the ground, Hodge had been intent on teaching how to groom his wings with the most utter care, obviously not convinced that all the years Alec had spent helping Jace and Izzy really mattered.

Alec wasn’t convinced by Hodge’s way of thinking but he hadn’t protested, secretly pleased that everybody at the Institute was intent on helping him getting used to his wings and learn how to care for them. He had even discovered there had been a bet going on the colors of his wings, something that had ruffled his feathers at first, until Izzy had brought him out for dinner with the money she had won.

Nonetheless, it was up to him to make sure none of his feathers had been twisted or torn apart during his little flight. He still wasn’t used to flying long distances or for a long time, and both his sister and his parabatai were monitoring how much time he spent off the ground. Alec couldn’t exactly blame them, considering what had happened – and how much it warmed him inside to be the full focus of their attention. He had been rather surprised at his delight at seeing their roles reversed, for once. It was nice to let himself being taken care of, instead of always being the one taking care of other, and it was obvious Izzy and Jace enjoyed the reversal of positions.

“– and it’s not like if we can’t survive an evening without you,” Izzy said with a laugh in her voice and Alec turned to face her, a bit surprised.

He was stopped in his move by a firm hand on his back and the warmth of Jace’s body as his parabatai stood very close to him.

“Thanks, Izzy,” Jace said in a voice that was more sincere than amused.

She rolled her eyes with a smile on her lips.

“Oh, come on. I know the two of you get itchy when you spend too much time without going away. Mother won’t mind.”

“You can’t know that for sure,” Alec pointed out, regretting he hadn’t listened to the rest of their conversation.

Izzy gave him a pointed look.

“She _won’t_. You know how she has been since you got your wings.”

Alec winced a little at that. Some of his duties had been alleviated since he had started learning to fly, while his sister had been supposed to step up in his place, and Maryse had made her displeasure clear at the way Izzy handled them. It had caused more than one hushed argument, and Alec had tried to step in, but Maryse had been intent on keeping him out of it. He was supposed to focus on his wings, or so she said, and she wouldn’t have him filling the Head of the Institute position until he was perfectly at ease with flying.

“Besides, I’m supposed to be helping Clary with her training too, so don’t worry about it,” Izzy added in a calmer tone. “Just do your thing and don’t come back too late, alright?”

“Don’t worry about it, Izzy,” Jace said with a gentle voice, still pressed against Alec’s back, the whiteness of his left wing standing out brightly against the dark chocolate hue of Alec’s wing. “We’ll be back before the end of the night.”

“Don’t crash in a wall during night-fly training,” Izzy advised them with a little smirk before taking off.

Alec watched her fly away until she was nothing but a dot on the horizon, half-blinded by the sun rising down. Jace was still standing behind him and waited until Izzy was long gone before putting his arms around Alec’s waist, kissing him softly on the neck. The two of them had grown more tactile since they had first kissed, and although people had noticed, no one thought it strange. Even the Inquisitor had chalked it up to the novelty of Alec’s wings, saying it was an observed phenomenon that parabatai who didn’t grow their wings at the same time tended to be more tactile once they could fly together. Alec wondered if those pair of parabatai had also fallen into bed together, but hadn’t tried digging up on the topic. If anyone found out what had happened, he and Jace would still be deruned and exiled, and a lifetime of secrecy was a better option in his mind.

“Do you think she suspects something?” Jace mumbled against his hair, one hand drawing circles over Alec’s abdomen, sending shivers down his spine.

“I don’t know,” Alec answered truthfully, relaxing a little in the embrace. “Maybe. Maybe not. We’re lucky the Inquisitor doesn’t seem to mind,” he added before twisting into Jace’s hold so that he was now facing his parabatai.

Jace’s hands were resting loosely over his hands and the way he smiled softly send butterflies flying in Alec’s stomach. It was easy to lose himself into the myriad of colors in Jace’s eyes, and the fact that he didn’t have to keep it a secret anymore made it all the better. The light of the sun rising down gave a golden halo all around Jace and Alec felt himself fall in love one more time, incredibly moved by the sight in front of him.

Jace seemed to be angel having descended from the heavens, with his white and gold wings standing high behind him, fluffier than usual because of their flight. The nice September weather had given a golden tan to his skin that made his runes standing out even more, and although the sight was enough to make Alec’s mouth water, it was the utter love in Jace’s eyes that made him feel like he was home.

“You’re blushing,” Jace pointed out with a raised eyebrow, fondness visible on his face, before tip-toeing to kiss Alec.

It was slow and tender for a long moment, Alec enjoying the softness of Jace’s hair around his fingers until passion overcame him. Jace laughed against his lips as they tripped on the ground and almost fell down before reaching the most comfortable spot of the roof. A mundane had decided to create a garden on the rooftop of their building, and the fake grass that had been brought up was comfortable enough for the two of them to settle on it and roll around, careful not to crush down the arrangements of flowers that were growing.

Of course, it required a little thinking about how they would start, in order to have their wings spreading out without risking to damage the flowers, but they were used to it now. They had come on that particular rooftop on numerous occasions over the past few weeks since they had discovered it, and it felt almost homely to them.

There was also almost no risk of them being caught here compared to the Institute.

“I couldn’t wait for Izzy to leave us alone,” Jace whispered as he was peppering kisses all over Alec’s jawline, one hand in his hair and the other playing with the feathers under him. “You looked so gorgeous, flying over the Hudson like that…”

The mass of feathers was always thicker at the junction between wings and back, which was also an extremely sensitive spot. His parabatai had quickly discovered that particular weakness and loved nothing more than to run his fingers through that mass while they were kissing, which never failed to make Alec squirm and moan underneath him, blushing and incredibly turned on.

Their shirts were already getting in the way but it wasn’t too much of a bother yet.

“You’re one to talk,” Alec answered in a weak voice, too focused on the desire running through his veins and the feeling of Jace’s hands all over him.

He had quite a view in his position, lying down on the grass with his parabatai over him, white wings spread out against an orange and purple sky, a hungry look in his mismatched eyes. Alec’s clothes were sticking to his skin and he wanted nothing more than to get rid of them, an opinion that Jace seemed to share, as they were soon grinding against each other, hands moving and reaching for every piece of skin they could get.

Alec’s wings twitched in excitation around them, getting Jace to laugh as one of them moved a little too fast and ended up entwined with his one, a cloud of brown and white feathers flying over them before falling down. Alec snorted a little before starting to laugh too, feeling more relaxed than he had been in a very long time.

It took them some time to calm down and there was new softness in Jace’s eyes when he finally stopped laughing. He had moved a little and was now resting on his side, one hand holding his head and the other drawing circles over Alec’s parabatai rune, the soft touch on the verge of being ticklish.

“It’s really nice over here,” Alec finally said in a low voice, one hand atop on his parabatai rune, enjoying the fact that Jace’s fingers were bumping against his every now and then.

His other hand moved up to Jace’s face, gently cupping his cheek before moving a little higher. He started playing with the soft, blond hair, almost scrapping Jace’s skull in a way that never failed to make his eyes darken a little.

“No kidding,” Jace mumbled before going down to kiss him gently, resuming to his previous position over Alec’s body, one hand lost in a sea of dark hair while the other was gently stroking his cheek. “I wouldn’t trade it for anything else in the world, you know.”

Alec’s heart skipped at the words, before closing his eyes as Jace was kissing him again, the haste of their previous embrace melting into something deeper.

Night fell down quietly over them, the sounds of the city barely noticeable as they lost themselves into each other, two souls merged into one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was my last _Shadowhunters_ fic.  
>  I hope you enjoyed it.


End file.
